John Gottman became famous as a psychologist and scholar due to his ability to predict divorces in 90% of cases. He claims one particular vice is an important predictor of divorce.1 It is the vice of contempt. If he observes one or both spouses demonstrating contempt toward the other one, he considers it the key sign that the marriage will not go the distance.
Despite this rather important finding, like many vice and virtue words, the use of “contempt” in English publications has declined steadily since the Revolutionary War. Today, its utilization is at its lowest point in history. One will largely find it mentioned in legal settings (e.g., “contempt of court”) and perhaps old sayings such as “familiarity breeds contempt.” As Christian scholars, we should attempt to change that trend. In this post, I explore the general and biblical understandings of contempt and evaluate a new psychological measure of it.
What Is Contempt?
The Oxford Education Dictionary (OED) definition of contempt is really too reductionistic although it does get at the heart of the word. It describes it as “A feeling of dislike or hostility towards a person or thing one regards as inferior, worthless, or despicable; an attitude expressive of such a feeling; (later) a complete lack of consideration or respect for a person or thing.” Yet, we all know that it involves more than a feeling. If one is a parent of a teenager, one finds it is especially communicated by body language, eye-rolling, sneering, gestures, and more. I think of the movie, Jerry McGuire, where Tom Cruise’s ex-girlfriend signals “L” for loser on her forehead when seeing him again.
The OED also reminds us that contempt not only involves other people, but it also pertains to our relationship with God. It quotes John Wesley’s usage as an example of the noun, “Our sins are so many contempts of this highest expression of his [God’s] love. J. Wesley, Works (1872) vol. VII. 486.” Indeed, our English language translations of the Bible give significant attention to contempt.
Contempt in the Biblical Story
Contempt is an important concept in both the Old and New Testament, although more so in the OT.2 Scripture takes contempt deadly seriously. The OT makes clear that God (Num. 16:30), God’s promises (Num. 14:23), God’s law (Pr. 19:16), God’s prophecies (I Thes. 5:10), service and offerings to God (Lev. 22:9; I Sam. 2:17), human offices established by God, and God’s character (e.g., kindness, Rom. 2: 4) should not be treated with contempt. In some cases, those who demonstrate contempt deserve death (Num. 14:23; Dt. 17:12-13; 2 Sam. 12:14).
What is noteworthy about these sins of contempt is that humans are improperly judging God, God’s law, etc. Or as C.S. Lewis famously noted, humans are placing God in the dock or witness stand to be questioned by us. That contempt toward God or the things of God is worthy of death relates to the seriousness of the charge. This seriousness carries over into human relations because a person who oppresses or mocks the poor “shows contempt for their Maker” (Prov. 14:31a; 17:5a). The underlying assumption is that oppressing or mocking image bearers shows contempt for God.
It is not surprising then that on the human-to-human level, to treat others with contempt is something evildoers do (Ezek. 22:7) or as Proverbs 18:3a says, “When wickedness comes, so does contempt…” Christians then are not to treat with contempt those with whom they disagree on debatable matters (Rom. 14:3, 10). Indeed, to be treated with contempt is something worthy of lament (Ps. 79: Ps. 119:22; 122:3-4; Pr. 18:3).
Only God is allowed to show contempt (Job. 12:21) and then it is only a part of God’s righteous judgment (Nahum 3:6). In other words, even as image bearers of God, contempt is one of God’s capacities we are never encouraged to demonstrate. It is reserved only for God in God’s right to just and final judgment.
Thus, Gottman’s findings are not surprising from a biblical point of view. To treat one’s spouse with contempt is to treat one’s covenant partner and co-image bearer with disdain. What is surprising is how little contempt has been studied.
Contempt and a New Psychological Measure
As one would expect in light of the declining use of contempt revealed in the Google n-gram I mentioned earlier, contemporary scholars have largely neglected the vice of contempt, until the past two decades. Macalester Bell’s book Hard Feelings: The Moral Psychology of Contempt (Oxford, 2013) is the only full-length treatment of the topic. Interestingly, Bell makes a case for some positive uses of contempt, such as showing contempt toward evil or disgusting behavior—something reserved only for God in the biblical narrative.
There has been one recent important advancement in positive psychology regarding contempt. In 2017, Roberta A. Schriber, et al produced the first psychological measure of dispositional contempt.3 The four authors noted their debt to Gottman’s finding as one of their inspirations for their work. They view contempt as having three components:
1. The person or object has violated the standards of the judging person or group.
2. Thus, the person is inferior.
3. Therefore, they should be avoided or dismissed.4
Based on this definition, one should immediately recognize that the recent cancel culture movement and the trend of defriending those who are politically different involves the mass exercise of contempt. In contrast, Christians always recognize that a person who sins is not inferior. They are still image-bearers of God.
The authors focused on dispositional contempt because they were interested not in one-time moments of contempt but in those who habitually exercise contempt. Below are their final dispositional contempt scale items.
1. I tend to disregard people who fall short of my standards.
2. I often lose respect for others.
3. Feeling disdain for others comes naturally to me.
4. I tend to accept people regardless of their flaws.
5. I would never try to make someone feel worthless.
6. I often feel like others are wasting my time.
7. I hardly ever think others are inferior to me.
8. All in all, I am repelled by others’ faults.
9. Others tend to give me reasons to look down on them.
10. I often feel contempt for others.5
If we compare these strands to the biblical account, a few things stand out. First, their measure pertains only to relationships between people. Perhaps similar to what positive psychologists have discovered with gratitude, we likely need two scales when measuring contempt: contempt toward God or the things of God and contempt toward others.
As a measure of contempt toward others, I find the scale does capture the important biblical outlook toward human-to-human contempt. To mock or mistreat the poor, for example, is to treat them as inferior. To not accept a fellow Christian due to a disagreement on a disputable matter is to view the person as violating one’s standards. Thus, unlike a problematic psychological scale pertaining to contentment that I recently evaluated, this measure of dispositional contempt is consistent with the biblical account regarding the contempt of persons.
One limitation of this scale, as with certain other psychological measures of virtue or vice, is that it does not help measure particular forms of contempt in specific identity contexts (which I realize is not exactly the scale’s purpose). Yet, I think it could be modified to address that limitation. When using this scale in those cases, one could simply substitute particular identity groups or individuals for the general words “people” or “others.” For example, it would be helpful to ask, “I tend to disregard [friends, family, peers, co-workers, fellow Christians, particular political party members, etc.] who fall short of my standards” or “I would never try to make [my spouse, child, co-worker, etc.] feel worthless.
Of course, I agree with the authors that there are people who have a general disposition of contempt for people in general. Yet, the reality is we also practice virtues and vices toward particular people in particular contexts. I tend to have contempt toward very specific groups and individuals in specific identity roles. I need to be aware of my contempt in those particular cases, repent, and change my ways. This scale may not simply help us identify those with dispositional contempt, a vice that needs addressing, but it could also help us illumine the individuals or groups to which we show contempt. We could use that help as we repent and remember, “When wickedness comes, so does contempt.”[/efn_note]
Footnotes
- John M. Gottman, What Predicts Divorce? (Erlbaum, 1994). See also this updated version with a different publisher: What Predicts Divorce? The Relationship between Marital Processes and Marital Outcomes (Psychology Press, 2014).
- Interestingly, contempt was used less than 20 times in the KJV (15) and 1599 Geneva (17), but it was used over 40 times by contemporary NIV (43) NRSV (45), and NRSVUE (49) translators.
- Roberta A. Schriber, Joanne M. Chung, Katherine S. Sorensen, and Richard W. Robins, “Dispositional Contempt: A First Look at the Contemptuous Person.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol. 113, no. 2, 2017, pp. 280–309, https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000101.
- The person or object has violated the standards of the judging person or group.
- Schriber, et al. “Dispositional Contempt,” 287.
Thank you, Perry, for your article on “contempt”! It caught my eyes especially, when you related it to divorce. Usually, I tend to save articles I would like to read later in a particular folder, but I was compelled to read through your article at once. You made references to studies related to “contempt” and the Biblical usage, which for me, are very helpful. However, I am disappointed in the generalised approach to the topic and the anecdotal reference to spouse in the entire write-up. it would have been more helpful to bring all those discussions to bear on marriage and how “contempt” has resulted or actually contributes to divorce. Thank you.
Years ago, I had the privilege to interview Arthur C. Brooks on the Winsome Conviction Podcast about today’s argument culture. I asked: Why do we so easily move toward incivility and anger? I will never forget his response. “America doesn’t have an anger problem,” Brooks asserted, “we have a contempt problem!” Brooks’ insights are well worth considering. Thank you for helping us think about our contempt problem through this useful scale and expanding Brooks’ provocative observation!
I would say from searching in my own spiritual mirror, the Lord’s (accurate) condemnations, and my experiences with others, that where contempt exists, pride, arrogance , and blindness to our own faults are not far behind. Forgiveness, however, is very distant. I have found that I need to hate my own contempt more than the offence I feel the other party is guilty of, and to repent and replace that contempt with agape. It requires prayer and agape from the Holy Spirit to do so, but thankfully, it can be done. It must be done in any marriage where contempt is afoot.
Agreed!