Follow Your Bliss and Other Lies about Calling
Finding one’s calling is a rich, complex journey. Honesty “about the ups and downs of calling will open up conversation” that fosters contemplating more meaningful and purposeful lives (16). That is one of the primary aims of Bonnie J. Miller-McLemore’s recent book. Utilizing faith, philosophy, and pragmatism, she pushes back on the pop culture notion of simplistic roads to happiness by following a straightforward life path. She challenges the “lies” about calling which include the mistaken belief that we each have one purpose we should uncover blissfully. Rather, Miller-McLemore examines the depth of vocation by exposing distortion and undersides, showing how calling interacts with identity, motivation, constraint, conflict, loss, resilience, and stage of life. She emphasizes the “double-sided nature of calling” as necessary and good (8).
This volume is organized into six chapters that represent recurring dilemmas or patterns individuals face across the lifespan. Miller-McLemore formulates vocational discernment as an evolving psychological journey shaped by lived experiences, relational influences, social structures, and internal pressures. To begin, she addresses missed callings that come from decisions we often must make in young adulthood. Blocked callings represent the obstacles faced that stand in the way of pursuing various life paths. As we move through life, individuals experience conflicted callings, or multiple competing commitments. Fractured callings represent failings and shortcomings. Life is unpredictable. The chapter on unexpected callings explores welcomed as well as unwelcomed obligations individuals encounter. Finally, with the passing of time comes letting go of various roles and responsibilities, resulting in relinquished callings. In this review, I will explore each of these chapters, or vocational phases, by means of a psychological lens of identity development using various theoretical developmental perspectives.
This review principally considers the book as a text for professional and personal development—either for oneself or for use in guiding colleagues or students. Miller-McLemore emphasizes three insights that shaped this work: “callings develop over a lifetime” (6), callings are communal, and callings are practical. Acknowledging the nuanced combination of pain and joy in calling led to exploring the questions tackled in this book. How do individuals navigate and live out meaningful callings amidst the messiness of the human experience? The text strikes a fine balance among memoirs and biographies she has encountered over her career and religious traditions and writings, along with psychological theories and concepts. Its approach allows it to be easily applied to various Christian traditions. The focus on calling across the lifespan makes it useful for a wider audience. For example, young adults in the undergraduate classroom may resonate with wrestling to make decisions when it means closing off certain possibilities (missed callings). Professional development opportunities for colleagues at different stages of career and life may benefit from discussing why certain chapters feel more relevant than others given the particular moment in time (conflicted callings versus relinquished callings). Miller-McLemore’s writing also invites readers to consider and recount their own vocational and personal narratives. The stories we tell serve as a powerful way to develop intrapersonal awareness into our values, identity, and aspirations for finding purpose.
Over time, people have gained an expansive number of choices in their daily lives. Whether it is deciding on a movie to stream or a sofa to buy, there are truly limitless options. The ways in which human beings find meaning in work and personal roles has also expanded significantly over time. Many individuals have opportunities that would not have been possible a generation or two ago. Additionally, the heightened individualistic nature of western cultures encourages broad socialization—you can be whoever you want to be. Miller-McLemore’s notion of missed callings centers on the psychological tension that may result from second-guessing paths not chosen. Mourning possible selves left behind speaks to the dreams we let go of as we make decisions. It is helpful to normalize this tension by recognizing that no decision is perfect. The chapter mentions James Marcia’s theory of identity development,[1] which points to a period of moratorium, or exploring possibilities; however, healthy development requires a decision to be made. Teaching individuals to manage psychological discomfort, tolerate ambiguity, and engage in introspection can foster confidence during this vocational period of discernment. Miller-McLemore’s reminder that there is no one single perfect path is empowering.
Leaving behind possible selves because we have too many options is one kind of constraint; however, experiencing obstacles and failures requires a different kind of resilience. People may experience blocked callings and fractured callings early on or in midlife. The text discusses blocked callings due to societal, economic, or discriminatory factors as particularly frustrating and with the potential of eliciting strong emotions such as anger, depression, or self-blame. Blocked callings are outside of our direct control and influence. In comparison, fractured callings are typically the result of failures or mistaken paths. Fractured callings may also conjure strong emotions like guilt, shame, or remorse. Both of these situations create identity disruptions that call for adaptive meaning making and reframing the barrier or failure. Erik Erikson’s lifespan development model acknowledges blocked callings as harmful to establishing an identity and finding a place within the culture.[2] This model also indicates that healthy development in late adulthood is to look back on life with satisfaction, even if all our dreams were not realized or we experienced fractured callings. Training self-acceptance and bolstering social/community support, in the case of blocked callings, is required for fostering psychological resilience. Challenging unrealistic expectations and perfectionism, as well as learning lessons of humility, help move us forward after the defeat of a fractured calling. As we support ourselves, colleagues, or students in navigating these disruptions of identity, Miller-McLemore’s assertion that “powerful narratives arise from broken callings” (102) is critical to adaptative meaning making.
Resilience and adaptability are key to managing some of the pain associated with callings, while accommodation and motivation play a role in coping with changes associated with callings. Conflicted callings and unexpected callings seem to predominantly reside in the longest life stage, middle adulthood. During this time most individuals take on various family, social, community, and occupational responsibilities. These competing demands can be overwhelming and stressful, creating psychological burnout when they lead to exhaustion and decreased motivation. New demands that were not anticipated, or unexpected callings, can produce anxiety or feel burdensome. Both of these phases of calling are closely connected to the notions of duty and service. As Christians, we are called to work toward the common good in ways that are sometimes comfortable, but more often in ways that are uncomfortable. Conflicted callings and unexpected callings indeed encompass the ups and downs of purpose. Dan McAdams’s theory of generativity focuses heavily on narratives in shaping our identity.[3] Generativity, as defined by Erikson’s model, is the midlife developmental task of contributing positively to society. McAdams extends this to emphasize life narratives’ role in prosocial behaviors. Changes in our callings demonstrate how our narrative identity reshapes over time. McAdams contends that individuals who are able to see the positive in instances like conflicted callings and unexpected callings are more generative. Healthy integrative life narratives are also influenced by the ability to adapt as well as accommodate to change and competing expectations. Miller-McLemore’s encouragement to see the journey of calling as an opportunity to uncover hidden gifts may nurture motivation necessary to survive middle adulthood.
The seasons of life and calling move from having a myriad of possibilities on the horizon, to experiencing heartbreak in our encounters of obstacles and failure, to being challenged with multiple roles and duties. Late adulthood is also a time of identity exploration and reevaluation. The text frames relinquished callings in the context of retirement, but does understand that letting go of a calling or vocational role can happen at any stage of life. Life moves quickly, and the modern world of work is constantly evolving and shifting. University faculty and staff are well aware that students likely will experience a handful of distinct careers over their working lives. However, letting go of personal and professional callings, particularly when we are not ready or willing to do so, is a form of loss. Some “forsaken” callings (141), such as the death of a loved one, always remain part of us. Yet, many callings come with the understanding that they will not last forever. According to psychologists, personal identity includes physical, psychological, and interpersonal characteristics, social roles, as well as values and beliefs. While there are various perspectives on how personality is formed and how much it can change, there is a sense of continuity when understanding personal identity. Learning to integrate the journey of the ups and downs of calling into our personal identity, rather than solely the specific jobs or roles, might facilitate identity reorientation as we relinquish callings willingly or reluctantly.
Miller-McLemore provides a psychologically informed account of the phases of calling over the course of the adult lifespan. She inspires readers to sit with the psychological tensions, anger, shame, stress, anxiety, and loss. Learning to bear these difficult experiences and grow from them means we can gain confidence, resilience, adaptability, motivation, and a sense of identity. Follow Your Bliss and Other Lies about Calling does not escape critique. The goal of this review was to apply psychological concepts to each of the six dilemmas of calling in order to encourage readers to apply the concepts more broadly to self, colleagues, and students. Miller-McLemore writes from a fairly narrow, privileged perspective of a highly educated academic. While she does make an effort to include diverse stories and examples, the memoir and biography is rooted in a white, Eurocentric cultural understanding and experience of vocation and calling. Optimistically, readers espousing different worldviews will feel empowered to add to this narrative and share their unique experiences on the complex journey of finding meaning through the ups and downs. Patrick Reyes’s recent work, centered on empowering people of color to find meaning within cultural context, may be a helpful complement to Miller-McLemore’s text.[4] Normalizing the double-sided nature of calling from diverse perspectives can lessen distress, improve effectiveness in managing frustration or disappointment, and increase emotional resilience for a wider audience. Kevin McClure, The Caring
[1]. James E. Marcia, “Development and Validation of Ego-Identity Status,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 49 (1966): 156–159.
[2]. Erik H. Erikson, The Lifecycle Completed: A Review (W. W. Norton, 1985).
[3]. Dan P. McAdams, “Generativity in Midlife,” in Handbook of Midlife Development, ed. Margie E. Lachman (Wiley, 2001), 395–445.
[4]. Patrick B. Reyes, The Purpose Gap: Empowering Communities of Color to Find Meaning and Thrive (Westminster John Knox, 2021).
Thank you for this review, Rachel. Bonnie Miller-McLemore is contributing some needed perspectives on calling. She helps us downplay slogans that urge us primarily to follow our bliss or find the place where our deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet. Instead, calling is a complex life journey. But it is a process in which we are not alone. We have a God who can accompany us closely and One who understands the pain of constraints, conflict, and injustice. This makes the journey more of an adventure and less of a burden.